100 Techniques To Negotiate "Geting What You Want"

From Kare Anderson’s Getting What You Want

For quick and easy reference, here are the 100 techniques that make the three Triangle Talk steps work better and faster:

1. Make “What do I want?” an automatic response.
2. Decide what you want by considering alternatives, then choosing one.
3. Create a specific, vivid mental image of what you want and describe it in one sentence.
4. Understand what is most important to you.
5. Develop a “larger than life” vision of yourself, your work, and your life.
6. Know how you see yourself, and how others see you.
7. Understand your power base.
8. Recognize your “hot buttons” and the hidden as¬sumptions through which you see the world.
9. Find out what they want or mean, not what you would want or mean if you used the same words.
10. Don’t deduce other people’s intentions from your fears.
11. Don’t assume you know what people want—or that they know what you want—just because you know one another well.
12. When you are with someone you like, check your assumptions more often, because you will tend to do it less.
13. See their world their way.
14. Learn to identify other people’s assumptions, moti¬vations, and prejudices, and what they consider threats or opportunities.
15. Remember that most people are not aware of their own prejudices, assumptions, and hot buttons.
16. Start out right: Make a good first impression.
17. Use nonverbal communication to establish rapport.
18. Play with your full deck.
19. Expect the best of yourself and others.
20. Cast a wide net with your initial questions.
21. “Columbo” them.
22. Avoid the “King of the Mountain” approach.
23. Ask open-ended questions.
24. Ask advice.
25. Send up trial balloons.
26. Listen actively.
27. Start out with oblique questions, then get increasingly specific and direct.
28. Appeal to their positive intent.
29. Use silence and pauses.
30. Go slow to go fast.
31. Ask direct questions.
32. Accept the situation as it is; don’t pretend it’s some thing different or try to make it what you wish it were.
33. Don’t let emotional reactions or judgments about what they want sabotage the negotiation.
34. Avoid the temptation to talk sooner, higher, faster, and longer when you feel uncomfortable, angry, or threatened.
35. Use the AAAA Approach to create a bridge between you, not a gulf.
36. Acknowledge their concerns.
37. Use their language.
38. Avoid emotional terms that imply positive or negative reactions to what they say.
39. The more intense the conflict, the more strongly and explicitly you must acknowledge their position.
40. Speak to their needs first.
41. “Bridge” from their interests to your common inter¬ests to your interests.
42. Paint them a colorful, detailed picture.
43. Align with their personal or organizational values.
44. Position your proposal by using “social proof,” au¬thoritative endorsements, likability, and appeals to their self-image.
45. Give something away up front, without being asked.
46. Sandwich your controversial or bad news between two pieces of good news.
47. Choose your point of emphasis.
48. Lavish “Velcro praise” on others.
49. Make sharp contrasts.
50. Move from the larger to the smaller picture.
51. Remember the Two-Choice Rule.
52. Use the Rule of Scarcity.
53. Let conflict surface when it exists, but keep it under control and don’t dig in your heels.
54. Remember that the problem is not the other person; it’s how you react to one another in the situation.
55. Remember that you always have only three choices: (1) accept the situation; (2) leave; or (3) change your behavior.
56. Don’t let others determine your behavior or your self-worth.
57. Discover an admirable motive, especially when you don’t think they have one.
58. Give the kind of energy you want to get back, and pay attention to the qualities in others that you want to see more.
59. Remember that men and women are different.
60. Develop a semipermeable membrane.
61. Contrast the disadvantages of quitting with the ben¬efits of continuing.
62. Keep the momentum going by reviewing the progress you’ve made so far.
63. P-A-C-E yourself.
64. At each step, give people a stake in the outcome.
65. Point out that no situation has to be win-lose.
66. Be courteous and preserve mutual respect, especially when you least feel like it.
67. Identify the people who bother you most and learn to manage your encounters with them.
68. Find out why they upset you and disarm that mechanism.
69. Tell the people you see regularly what you will and will not tolerate.
70. Act, don’t react, when meeting new people who trig¬ger negative feelings.
71. Let go of the vibrating pole.
72. Use the Ten-Minute Rule.
73. Stop the chain reaction.
74. Use the Jimmy Swaggart approach.
75. “Fog” to avoid or postpone a response.
76. Use the Messy Desk Solution.
77. Shift the spotlight.
78. Empower others, don’t coerce or manipulate them.
79. Pinpoint your specific power sources.
80. Avoid power plays.
81. Take the power you need.
82. Prepare your team.
83. Don’t talk before you’re prepared to settle.
84. Demonstrate visible goodwill.
85. Remember that it’s more important to be perceived as fair than it is to be well liked.
86. Don’t bluff or make offers you can’t live with if they are accepted.
87. If you don’t think you’re getting a big enough piece of the pie, look for a larger pie.
88. Don’t panic if you have time constraints; use the pres¬sure to increase your effectiveness.
89. Don’t wait until the end to reach agreement on all your points.
90. Use third-party mediators when necessary.
91. Stay flexible.
92. Do not nibble or be nibbled.
93. Offer to prepare the written draft of the agreement.
94. Honor others directly for their role in coming to terms.
95. Debrief with colleagues.
96. Do what you said you would do, and then do more.
97. Play the inner game of agreement, and affirm your life’s purpose every day.
98. Use the buddy system.
99. Give it away.
100. Practice, practice, practice.